How can you make your relationship last? Read on to find out.
Why do we fall in love and marry? Why do we get divorced? How can we make a marriage last?
We fall in and out of love…
Biochemists say we fall in love with someone because we are literally drugged by our mate. When we are attracted to someone, our brains release many natural amphetamines. These natural amphetamines produce a sense of elation and large amounts of endorphins that flood our bodies with a sense of well-being.
This chemical high can last for as long as two to three years. Then it begins to wear off. This explains why the divorce rate peaks at four years of marriage. Those of us who are on a perpetual search for this “love high” are disappointed when it goes away. Then we divorce our spouse in hopes of having a longer lasting “love high” the next time.
The euphoria we feel during our “love high” just cannot last forever.
We can stay in love, though!
There are five basic qualities that cause someone’s attraction to last.
Most counselors and therapists and divorce attorneys agree that the number one predictor for divorce and failed relationships is poor communication. Either one or both parties stop listening to the other. Even worse, they listen but hear something else. They no longer pay attention to nonverbal clues their mate’s behaviors display.
So the easiest way to improve your communication skills is to listen more than you talk!
What is active listening? Active listening shows your companion you are really listening. Make eye contact and ignore your personal electronic devices. Find a common ground or interest if possible. Show him or her you are really listening by responding with an “I statement” (“I hear you saying that…”). When your companion is sad or upset or angry about something, you really need to use active listening! Active listening shows you care.
When you are tempted to interrupt the other person, just imagine your life without this person in it. That mental picture should cause you to not interrupt and listen.
Another component of good communication is paying attention to nonverbal clues. When you are read someone’s nonverbal cues, you can give them what they need without them having to ask, which will bring about interactions that are healthy, positive and last for a long time.
Kindness draws your mate to you. When you are kind, you radiate the kind of positivity that makes people feel loved and appreciated.
People are more attracted to others who engage in behaviors that are selfless, thoughtful and kind, rather than those who are mean-spirited and cruel.
Smiling is one of the most basic and easiest things that a person can do to make themselves more attractive to make themselves more attractive.
Smiling releases endorphins, which will heighten your mood, which will make you more positive, which will cause you to smile more – it’s an endless cycle! When people see you smile, they will also feel a sense of positivity, and they will associate you with those happy feelings.
Laughter will also help draw people in and make you more attractive to them. Laughter is another act that releases endorphins just by doing it, and it’s also healthy for both your emotional and physical health!
Being confident will make you both attractive to others, while also making you feel better about yourself. Being confident in yourself, your looks, and your abilities will draw people in. If you project an air of self-shame or self-loathing, you are likely to put people off from interacting with you.
On the other hand, when you own yourself, you will be more likely to make others feel good and confident about themselves as well. People who exhibit and radiant confidence are much more alluring to the people around them.
As you can see, beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but behavior can be universally attractive. Taking the time to study your own habits and choices, and change them to more attractive behaviors, can do wonders for your marriage and all of your other relationships! You will not only attract people to you in a romantic sense, but also platonic, life-long friendships as well. You will also find that your attitude towards life can change to a much more upbeat and positive one once you start engaging in behaviors that are designed to make you a more empathetic, kind and compassionate person.